I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.
You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.
You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT.
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.
If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
I'd like to have sex with myself.
If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that label.
If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.
And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do," but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" "That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
I just play to progressive audiences. You know, if they're watching Discovery Channel, History Channel, that kind of thing, "Monty Python" have already laid the groundwork. They're known around the world. People like that kind of surrealist, left-field humor, and that's what I do. And "Saturday Night Live," a lot of American humor. "The Simpsons," above all, the weird, left-field humor, which I love. And sardonic. So that's all I'm doing. I find that audience, and they're in every developed country around the world.
I think I'm actually a mainstream, popcorn-eating kid. I've always been that, so I'd sit there watching action movies and American moves before I watch other movies quite often because I am that kid. But I've pushed into the more alternative area because that's where it gets really interesting creatively.
Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.
I don't believe that competitions are important.
Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until you killed them all, I suppose.
You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.
When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."
There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?
I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.
People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.
Most transvestites fancy girls.
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
