Evan Esar Quotes - Page 8

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.

Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.

It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.

A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.

The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.

Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.

An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.

A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.

There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.

A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.

The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.

A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.

Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.

Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.

Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.

A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other.

There is nothing more dignified than a corpse.

Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.

A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.

Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.

After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.

Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.

Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.