Evan Esar Quotes

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.

In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.

We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.

If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.

The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.

An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.

The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.

Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.

Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.

All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.

Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.