Fran Lebowitz Quotes - Page 5

People who get married because they're in love make a ridiculous mistake. It makes much more sense to marry your best friend. You like your best friend more than anyone you're ever going to be in love with. You dont choose your best friend because they have a cute nose.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.

People are constantly telling me, whether they are friends who feel sorry for me, because I can't find a place to live, or real estate agents, "You can't afford an apartment the size you need with this many books. Why don't you just put some of your books in storage?" And I always say the same thing: "What if I told you I had four children? Would you say, 'You just can't afford to house four children. Why don't you just put two of them in storage?'" That's how I feel.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

if you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.

Now the culture is made of old things, it's a collage. Art made out of art is not art. You're supposed to make art out of life.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Even when America is not working that well, it still works better than other places.

I am alternately very gregarious - very sociable - and then very solitary.

Technological innovation has done great damage ... to eating habits. Food is now available in such unpleasant forms that one frequently finds smoking between courses to be an aid to digestion.

Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I've ever encountered.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discothèque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.

Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount of money. But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and an unlimited amount of money.

The 3 questions of greatest concern are:, 1) Is it attractive?, 2) Is it amusing?, 3) Does it know its place?

What starts love is your ability to stupefy and blind yourself to the point of being able to fall in love. What stops it is waking up.

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what Heidi looks like and she doesn't look like Shirley Temple.