Fred Allen Quotes about Funny - Page 2

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.