I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.
You know, a lot of people think that just 'cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.
There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.
I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?
I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.
Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.
I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!
Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.
You live by the cake, you die by the cake.
Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.
Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it.
Surround yourself with supportive people. All the negative people, man you have to push them aside.
When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I'll let you know right now, there's only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one.
I'm a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.
Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics.
You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!
The best advice bro: is think big, as big as you can possibly think, and shoot for that. The bigger you aim for, the bigger you're going to be. Set the standards for yourself as high as you possibly can and also surround yourself with people who have the same visions you have.
You can't be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.
We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.
People can relate to someone who isn't perfect.
I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.
I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.
Why would anybody connect to someone who has everything going for them? It's the person who has faults that people want to connect to. So people identify with certain insecurities on stage and just by me talking about my diabetes people come up to me after the show and tell me "Gabe, my blood sugar is out of control and I feel you". That's the first thing they say, they say "I feel you!".
