I did buy a new piece of furniture so it's like, "Oh, that's something new." But generally my goals are made in the fall.
I made a career goals list for 2017 and it's so funny. I have low self-esteem or something, so I put both wishes and goals. The goals were things I'm going to do anyway, because I have no choice because my job is to do stand-up comedy so I have to tour and I have to write stuff. The wishes were all things that could be goals. As in, I bet people who have achieved these things called them goals at one point. But I haven't looked at that piece of paper since.
That's the same thing that is making me like George W. Bush. "He was nice. I know he was nice. He didn't know what he was doing but he was nice."
[People] might turn into [Donald] Trump supporters who think, "Hey, I get what women are saying." So any chance I get to have people listen that should hear me is good.
[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine."
Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, "Oh god."
I don't understand why every single person in Congress isn't standing up and going, "He [Donald Trump] is in bed with Russia." And then they could just lock their arms and not let him in.
I put my filter on, though, and I only see things people I follow [on Twitter] write now. So, I don't even know anymore [ trolls].
I don't do jokes about elections so that's probably why it went okay for me, except for the crazy people that are hate-crime people.
I think I say things nicely and my whole goal is to be understood and that includes by people who don't understand me.
I think March and fall are natural seasons for me to feel invigorated.
Not everyone is there to get an abortion. Your body is like a car that has needs and women's bodies constantly need a level of care that men don't.
I'm just going to go to schools and give inspirational speeches about our bodies. I'll just wear flowing dresses and talk way quieter than I can.
I'd also talk about the period and of course all the different gender things that people might feel that they are. I'd be a terrible teacher because of what I don't know about that.
You teach someone about fallopian tubes in grade school, and you revisit it again in seventh grade for a better understanding of that stuff. I think it's never-ending. I don't know why it isn't all the time.
Even if it's L.A. and it's warmer, we're not supposed to be revving up right now. I don't like everyone's energy around [winter] time of year.
I'm the queen of outside speakers.
I don't run around feeling infused with positivity, but I'll have to be taking my last breath before I'll admit I'm dying. So I'm either optimistic or in denial.
For me, making any kind of resolution or saying, "I'm doing this!" can only cause pain, to get very deep.
Any expectation is what pain is.
I think Twitter is kind of boring, to be honest. To me, it's not even real life.
My rule is if one person says it, a thousand people want to say it. That goes for compliments too. I try to balance it out in my head.
I don't have that addictive, "What's going on?" feeling anymore, thank god.
I actually really do meditation and then I spend my morning reading.
Have you ever seen the stereotype of the angry yoga teacher? There are some people that are at an 11 and yoga takes them down to a nine. That's me.
