Jim Gaffigan Quotes about Children

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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

Fathers Day, Song, Children

FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."

Jim Gaffigan

Funny, Brother, Children

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

Jim Gaffigan

Beautiful, Children, Two

Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.

Jim Gaffigan

Fathers Day, Children, Dad

FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Oct 19, 2012

I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me.

Jim Gaffigan

Children, Father, My Children

"Jim Gaffigan Thinks Phone Photos Are Ruining America’s Children, He Tells Conan" by Ross Luippold, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 13, 2012.

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

Jim Gaffigan

Children, Party, People

"Dad Is Fat". Book by Jim Gaffigan, May 7, 2013.

Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.

Jim Gaffigan

Children, Rights, Punishment

I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.

Jim Gaffigan

Children, Sleep, Hair

Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.240, Crown Archetype