Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
always remember your unique, just like everone else
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
