Josh Billings Quotes - Page 12

Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.

Sekts and creeds ov religion, are like pocket compesses, good enuff tu pinte out the direction, but the nearer the pole yu git thewuss tha wurk.

Seneca devoted much of his time to writing essays in praise of poverty, and in lending money at usurious rates.

Rumor is a vagrant without a home, and lives upon what it can pick up.

Silence never makes any blunders.

Despatch is taking time by the ears; hurry is taking it by the end of the tail.

Pride seems tew be quite equally distributed; the man who owns the carriage and the man who drives it seem tew have it just alike.

Zoroaster said, when in doubt abstain; but this does not always apply. At cards, when in doubt take the trick.

Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

Early genius, like early cabbage, does not head well.

Genuine laughing is the vent of the soul, the nostrils of the heart, and just as necessary for health and happiness as spring water is for a trout.

It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat.

I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.

There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.

...But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell.

I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.

Waves are inspiring not because they rise and fail, but because each time they fall. They never fail to rise again.