Larry David Quotes

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of, it's quite ridiculous isn't it. Think how people spend their lives, they have no idea. They go around as if this is a fact. It's so insane you know. If I really believed that stuff I'd keep it to myself. Lest somebody think I was out of my mind.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.