I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.
This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?
