You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
