Ron White Quotes - Page 2

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.

I only like the live audience. I don't even like to do standup where it's being filmed. Because it affects the way the audience responds to what you say, because it makes them uncomfortable. You have to perform in a light room, and I prefer a dark room. But I love to perform, and I don't really see myself doing any television at all.

I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans.

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.

You can't ride home on a bowl of goat.

There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even.

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

I have had a front row seat to observe Darren's success over the last few years and never fully knew the keys to his achievement. He has unselfishly revealed his secrets with The Compound Effect so that others can learn from his success. In my eyes, it is more valuable than gold!

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.

From the very beginning I started with a beer and a cigarette because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. So usually I have a beer and cigarette and that's what I was doing with my hands because that looked natural and felt good.

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

Apparently I ain't the only cat on the block digs cheetos.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

I'd like to start off this show by asking you all a question, cause I don't know the answer. Uh, I lost my sunglasses and yesterday I went to the Sunglass Hut. Here's the question: Why does a pair of sunglasses cost more than a 25-inch color television set? I go to the Sunglass Hut. I see a pair that I like. I don't love them. I don't. I like 'em. $309.

They call me Tater Salad