Sarah Silverman Quotes - Page 8

When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

I’ve always had dreams. When I was little, I’d go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies.

Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.

I don't get this shitty attitude that only gays should care about gay issues and only women should care about women's issues.

I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."

Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.

I'm a total one-hour drama addict. I think when you're a comedian, you tend towards dramas because that's the less stressful thing to watch.

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.

Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy.

I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.

If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.

I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.

You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.

That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

As soon as a women gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under a rock.

I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.

Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.

I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.

The worst thing that can happen for people who don't want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force.

I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.

My stepfather, John O'Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn't try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the wood stove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, "What does it feel like?" It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, "I feel homesick." That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

I didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus.