Scott Adams Quotes - Page 3

The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.

Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.

Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks ... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

Priority-wise, it simply makes sense to take care of yourself before you start searching for a higher meaning. You aren't much good to anyone else if you're unhealthy, a financial burden, or an emotional basket case. Fix yourself before you turn outward. It's best for everyone.

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.

As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.

I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.

Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.