Scott Adams Quotes - Page 6

Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.

Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.

In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.

If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.

This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

I get mail; therefore I am.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.

You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

Some people fear that technology will become more engaging than live human interactions. That's silly; technology is already way more interesting than other people.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.

Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.

Technology: No Place for Wimps!