Stephen Colbert Quotes - Page 14

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

Evil exists because of the disobedience of Satan. God gave Satan, and the angels, and man free will. Satan used his free will and abused it by not obeying authority. Hell was created by Satan’s disobedience to God, and his purposeful removal from God’s love—which is what hell is. Removing yourself from God’s love. You send yourself to hell. God does not send you there.

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear

I am no fan of books.

I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.

Equations are the devil's sentences.

I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality. And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

Republicans will need to work hard to capture the Latino vote instead of their current strategy of capturing Latinos.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

Any religion whose messiah’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word can’t be that much of a threat.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.

Bill Moyers is everything I never aspire to be: Calm, Thoughtful, and Informative.

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that.

I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.

I'm getting angry at liberals.

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

If someone spreads hate then they're not your religious leader.