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Terry Pratchett Quotes - Page 14

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SCIENCE: a way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses

SCIENCE: a way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when it's wrong.

Terry Pratchett
Way, Doe, Excuse

It doesn't matter how you live and die, it's how the bards wrote it down.

Terry Pratchett
Matter, Bards, Dies

Unlike wizards, who like nothing better than a complicated hierarchy, witches don't go in much for the structured approach to career progression. It's up to each individual witch to take on a girl to hand the area over to when she dies. Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don't have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn't have.

Terry Pratchett
Girl, Hands, Careers

I'm not the world's greatest expert, but I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, ... broomsticks and spells would have given her a clue?' - when J.K. Rowling insisted she wasn't writing fantasy.

Terry Pratchett
Writing, Experts, Wizards

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Terry Pratchett
Two, People, Discworld
Terry Pratchett (2008). “The Fifth Elephant: (Discworld Novel 24)”, p.123, Random House

We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind." "Oh, no! You think so?" "Yes." "But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time." "Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make it explode. There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad." Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror. "Gosh," he said.

Terry Pratchett
Thinking, Dragons, Expression

Happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in.

Terry Pratchett
Natural, States, Mankind
"Witches Abroad" by Terry Pratchett, Harper Torch, (p. 293), August 2002.

Granny Weatherwax was not lost. She wasn't the kind of person who ever became lost. It was just that, at the moment, while she knew exactly where SHE was, she didn't know the position of anywhere else.

Terry Pratchett
Kind, Moments, Lost

Many feel they are called to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, 'It's indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you want to be a ploughman like your father?'

Terry Pratchett
Father, Voice, Want
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Small Gods: (Discworld Novel 13)”, p.31, Random House

It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.

Terry Pratchett
Water, Sound, Tin
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Lords And Ladies: (Discworld Novel 14)”, p.188, Random House

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

Terry Pratchett
Reason, Social, Discworld
Terry Pratchett (1996). “Feet of Clay: A Novel of Discworld”, Harper Prism

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

Terry Pratchett
Rain, Purpose, Arseholes
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Monstrous Regiment: (Discworld Novel 31)”, p.169, Random House

All property is theft, except mine.

Terry Pratchett
Theft, Property, Mines
Terry Pratchett (2008). “Going Postal: (Discworld Novel 33)”, p.418, Random House

The Library didn't only contain magical books, the ones which are chained to their shelves and are very dangerous. It also contained perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangeous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain.

Terry Pratchett
Mistake, Book, Reading
Terry Pratchett (2009). “Soul Music: (Discworld Novel 16)”, p.152, Random House

Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

Terry Pratchett
Rivers, Water, Citizens

Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise.

Terry Pratchett
Goal, Meticulous, Observation
Terry Pratchett (2009). “The Carpet People”, p.7, Random House

And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

Terry Pratchett
Nature, Pain, Evil
Terry Pratchett (2009). “Unseen Academicals: (Discworld Novel 37)”, p.312, Random House

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler?

Terry Pratchett
Moon, Men, Want
Terry Pratchett (2002). “Night watch”, Doubleday UK

The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of the Common Cold are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril, and Lack of Tissues; the Four Horsemen whose appearance foreshadows any public holiday are Storm, Gales, Sleet, and Contra-flow.

Terry Pratchett
War, Holiday, Storm
"Interesting Times". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1994.

Tiffany has been apprenticing as a witch by visiting people in need with her mentor. After meeting with one particularly sad case, she tells her mentor, "It shouldn't be like this." Her mentor replies, "There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

Terry Pratchett
People, Mentor, Needs

Well, it would have to be “The Man Who Was Thursday.” It’s a damn good read that I believe should be read by everyone in politics.

Terry Pratchett
Believe, Men, Good Reads
"Terry Pratchett: By the Book". The New York Times Interview, www.nytimes.com. August 14, 2014.

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.

Terry Pratchett
Funny, Cat, Animal
"The Unadulterated Cat". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1989.

"Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged".

Terry Pratchett
Speak, Print, Booksellers

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't this nice.

Terry Pratchett
Nice, Long, People

When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all.

Terry Pratchett
Mean, People, Cracks
Terry Pratchett (2008). “The Truth: (Discworld Novel 25)”, p.169, Random House

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