Humorous Quotes - Page 47

A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.

Terence, this is stupid stuff: You eat your victuals fast enough; There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear, To see the rate you drink your beer. But oh, good Lord, the verse you make, It gives a chap the belly-ache. The cow, the old cow, she is dead; It sleeps well the horned head: We poor lads, 'tis our turn now To hear such tunes as killed the cow. Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme Your friends to death before their time. Moping, melancholy mad: Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.

The heart wants what it wants.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.

Dressing is a matter of taste, and I've met very few Republicans with good taste.

Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety.

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

For those who believe in the quote, Laughter is the best medicine and are looking for a divorce quote on the lighter side, the following divorce sayings range from mildly humorous to outrageously funny: Men are just like a book - with a beginning, middle and an end.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Indeed, so far from being humorous, the male American is the most abnormally serious creature who ever existed.. It is only fair to admit that he can exaggerate, but even his exaggeration has a rational basis. It is not founded on wit or fancy; it does not spring from any poetic imagination.

Close friends and relatives, while not meaning to do so, often handicap on through 'opinions' and sometimes though ridicule, which is meant to be humorous. Thousands of men and women carry inferiority complexes with them all through life, because some well-meaning, but ignorant person destroyed their confidence through opinions or ridicule

I'm not going to parse the statement. You've got the statement I made earlier and the statement speaks for itself.

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.

I know stealing a foot is weird. But, hello, living in a house where a foot is available to be stolen is weird.

Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.

I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.