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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 19

All Quotes Abortion Abstinence Age Army Art Atheism Atheist Belief Birth Bullshit Cancer Character Children Chocolate Choices Christ Church Coffee College Comedy Communion Country Culture Debate Democracy Doubt Evil Feelings Fighting Fun Funny Giving Hate Health Care Heaven Hell Home House Human Nature Hurt Internet Jesus Justice Killing Kissing Leaving Lying Magic Mankind Military Moon Office Opportunity Pain Palin Past Police Politics Pope Pot Racism Rage Rain Reading Reality Religion Responsibility Running Sacrifice School Selling Shame Sin Sleep Smoking Sports Stupidity Tea Team Today Violence Virtue Voting Wall War Weed Wife Winning Worry

I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work

I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.

Dream, Nice, Sleep

"Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

It's a good time to say "Oh" and take stock and say, "Gee, how was I ethically this year?" That's the problem with faith, Joe. What it does is it kind of screws up your priorities. Your priorities shouldn't be saving your own ass, which is the focus of Christianity. The focus should be, I'm a good person, and I do that just for the sake of being good. Like the Christmas song says, "Be good for goodness' sake."

Song, Years, Focus

"Scarborough Asks Maher How to End 'Mutually Assured Destruction' of President-Bashing". www.newsbusters.org. January 2, 2010.

What I have against religion is that they start you when you are so defenseless. I mean, I was three when they started pumping this bullshit into my head. I believed in Santa Claus and the Fairy Godmother, of course I believed in a virgin birth, and a guy lived in a whale, and a woman came from a rib. But then something happened that made me doubt all of it: I graduated sixth grade!

Mean, Whales, Bullshit

"Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.

My generation didn`t face the kind of urgent, pressing issues that my parents did, who fought through a war and a Depression and know what suffering is. That`s why Bob Dole had a tough time with this electorate. He was an old-fashioned curmudgeon who knew about sacrifice, and we didn`t know if we could live up to his standards. But we knew we could live up to Bill Clinton`s. He`s more like one of us.

War, Sacrifice, Issues

"Lite Night with Bill Maher". Interview with Ana Marie Cox, www.motherjones.com. January/February 1998.

I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?

Cameras, Eric, Tape

Twitter post from Dec 04, 2014

Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, 'The Elephant in the Room.' And People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.'

Elephants, People, Magazines

The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.

Guy, Doubt, Selling

"Religulous". www.imdb.com. 2008.

There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say under new management than it is to change the whole building.

Church, Mosques, World

"Religulous". www.imdb.com. 2008.

The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pig the way I want to.

Sacrifice, Pigs, Wings

When you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.

Intolerance, Tolerate

"Bill Maher Smacks Down Tavis Smiley". www.newsbusters.org. February 19, 2011.

The food is out of this world!

World, This World

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I'm not talking about this past Easter. I'm talking about the last time I celebrated Easter, in 1962.

Easter, Past, Talking

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.141, Penguin

I hear this all the time: 'Obama's policies aren't working.' He hasn't been allowed to put his policies into place.

Policy

It's so childish, "greatest country in the world." It's like saying, "I have the greatest wife in the world. Not just the one best suited for me, the greatest wife in the world. And if you could have my wife, you'd kill your wife."

Country, Wife, World

"Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.

Pain, Believe, Men

"Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. February 15, 2005.

And what is the Republican solution to these outrageous [racial] inequalities? There isn't one. And that's the point. Denying racism is the new racism. To not acknowledge those statistics, to think of that as a 'black problem' and not an American problem. To believe, as a majority of FOX viewers do, that reverse-racism is a bigger problem than racism, that's racist.

Believe, Thinking, Racism

"Bill Maher: 'Denying Racism Is The New Racism'", www.realclearpolitics.com. October 7, 2011.

Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her.

Taken, Awards, Saws

A flu shot is the worst thing you can do.

Teenage Girl, Flu, Shots

"The Larry King Live Show", transcripts.cnn.com. December 15, 2005.

When we make mistakes they call it evil

Mistake, Evil, Making Mistakes

That's America for you - a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro and K Street.

Kids, Men, Mcdonalds

"Real Time with Bill Maher",

It would be kind of a tragedy if we got to the end of four years of Democratic rule without having really tried any Democratic policies.

Years, Tragedy, Would Be

"Bill Maher Blasts Obama: 'Sucking Up To The People He Should Be Fighting'" by Steven Loeb, www.businessinsider.com. June 25, 2011.

Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.

White, America, Black

I think Mitt Romney is a symptom. I think the problem is the Republican Party.

Party, Thinking, Problem

"Maher: Mitt Romney Is A Symptom; The Problem Is The Republican Party". www.realclearpolitics.com. September 22, 2012.

In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.

World, Faults, Fantasy

I'm not into western medicine. That to me is a complete scare tactic.

Scare Tactics, Medicine, Western

Interview with Larry King, transcripts.cnn.com. December 15, 2005.

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