Dane Cook Quotes - Page 5

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch.

Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.

Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...

I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...

I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!