Dave Attell Quotes - Page 4

I have no grand scheme.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'. Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.

Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

I'm not really a music guy.

I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.

For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

I don't watch reality TV.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I'm not like a performer type.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

I never wanted to be famous.