Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.