Dorothy Parker Quotes

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I hate writing, I love having written.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.