Evan Esar Quotes - Page 3

[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.

The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.

Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.

If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.

If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.

Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.

Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.

The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.

Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.

If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.

The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.

The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams

A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.

The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.

There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.

Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.

Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.