Evan Esar Quotes - Page 4

Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.

[Statistics] Fiction in its most uninteresting form.

A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.

Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.

A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.

Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.

Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.

Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.

Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.

Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.

You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.

Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.

Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn't have to walk to their cars.

The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.

A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.

The difference between two men is usually a woman.

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.

A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.

A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.

The diamond is the hardest stone -- to get.

The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.

Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.

The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.