Joan Rivers Quotes about Age

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

old age' is always ten years more than we are.

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.