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Joan Rivers Quotes about Children

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A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

Joan Rivers
Children, Memorable, Hot

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

Joan Rivers
Mother, Children, Humorous
"Goodbye to the mother of all comedians: Joan Rivers' 9 best quotes on motherhood" by Sarah Maizes, www.today.com. September 05, 2014.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

Joan Rivers
Country, Children, Thinking

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

Joan Rivers
Children, Kissing, Lips
"Joan Rivers' Most Memorable Insults" by Hilary Lewis and Colin Stutz, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 04, 2014.

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

Joan Rivers
Children, Kids, Gay
Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.21, Penguin

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Joan Rivers
Girl, Children, Memorable

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

Joan Rivers
Children, Airplane, Three
Source: www.avclub.com

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

Joan Rivers
Funny, Sarcastic, Children
Twitter post from Apr 09, 2014

I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.

Joan Rivers
Stars, Children, Hate
Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.23, Penguin

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Joan Rivers
Children, Hate, Thinking

I was not an attractive child.

Joan Rivers
Children, Attractive

Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm full of children. I think she got them at Costco.

Joan Rivers
Baby, Children, Thinking
Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.20, Penguin

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