Lenny Bruce Quotes - Page 4

Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.

Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.

Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.

I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

...Catholicism is like Howard Johnson, and what they have are these franchises and they give all these people different franchises in the different countries but they have one government, and when you buy the Howard Johnson franchise you can apply it to the geography - whatever's cool for that area - and then you, you know, pay the bread to the main office.

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Communism is just one big telephone company.

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.

I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

I want to perform an unnatural act.

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.