Robert Benchley Quotes about Funny

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this.

Streets full of water. Please Advise.

She sleeps alone at last.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.