Robert Orben Quotes - Page 3

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

Individuality' is the key to success.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?