Scott Adams Quotes - Page 8

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.

He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.

There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it.

There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.

On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.

I'm primarily just an investor.

For our purposes, let’s say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.

E-books are impervious to analogy.

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.

We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.

A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.