Zach Galifianakis Quotes - Page 3

I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7".

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions.

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.

I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.

I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony.

'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do interesting things. Look, if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it's just a miniseries.

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.

There was a long time where I was an "artist" in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.

American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.

But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.