Funny Relationship Quotes - Page 2

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting.

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

All diseases run into one, old age.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad, I like to keep poking around in it. I like to get into the middle of a relationship, to explore the subtle places.

I believe marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman.

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.

Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man

The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain.

Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.