Witty Quotes - Page 2

The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Common sense is not so common.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.

When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

People who live in an age of corruption are witty and slanderous; they know that there are other kinds of murder than by dagger or assault; they also know that whatever is well said is believed.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem!

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.