Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 6

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.

It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.

Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?

I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.

"Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth." ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, "Lung Cancer."

My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.

We really are All One....this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.

I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.

I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.