Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 8

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.

You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?

I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.

It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?

The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.

...I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An 'avenging GOD'? One who created Hell for those who don't believe? I thought we were the perfect and holy children of GOD? How could any limits possibly be put upon us? Hell.. really? I'm sorry, but... no. Wrong. You're wrong. That's an insane GOD and therefore not mine. Because, see, GOD would be very sane, don't you get it?

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.

Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me.

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.

I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)