Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 5

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure ... At least he f-kin' jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin' Block ... I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.

What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's gonna fuck up the economy! The economy that's fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government's cracking down... on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.

How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

That's what I hate about the war on drugs. All day long we see those commercials: "Here's your brain, here's your brain on drugs", "Just Say No", "Why do you think they call it dope?" … And then the next commercial is [singing] "This Bud's for yooouuuu." C'mon, everybody, let's be hypocritical bastards. It's okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.

You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Isn't that weird, we've made nature against the law. That's how un-natural we've become.

I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say..."

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States...23,000 deaths from handguns. But - there's no connection.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.

Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride ...

The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

So, it's good to be here, wherever I am.

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.