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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 10

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And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he said, 'My job is not to worry about those people.' You know, where do people get this

And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he said, 'My job is not to worry about those people.' You know, where do people get this stuff that Mitt Romney is a heartless, calculating c**ksucker?

Jobs, Government, People

The [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn't sound like the America I know.

America, People, Sound

People say I'm into black women. Robert De Niro is into black women. I'm just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.

Real, People, Black

New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit across from another dateless loser with a laptop, it still doesn't look like you're working--it looks like you're playing Battleship.

Coffee, Apples, Guy

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.65, Penguin

I know a whole generation has been raised on the notion of multiculturalism; that all civilizations are just different. No! Not always. Sometimes things are better! Rule of law is better than autocracy and theocracy; equality of the sexes, better; protection of minorities, better; free speech, better; free elections, better; free appliances with large purchases, better! Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

Sex, Law, Civilization

"Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Stupid, Thinking, Racist

"Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. February 15.

A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.

Kids, Dark, Thinking

The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.

Iraq, President, Gold

New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, 'black man loots house, steals white woman.'

Night, Men, White

I'm definitely good. I'm not bad; I'm extremely honest, and I allow no bullshit to pass by my radar. And that will always get lots of people thinking you're a jerk. But there are people who appreciate total honesty and questioning of the conformities in our society, and I'm heroic to those people. And I should be. It's an indictment of the rest of society who doesn't get that.

Honesty, Thinking, Bullshit

Source: www.avclub.com

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'

Dog, Drinking, Fall

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.

Numbers, Comedy, Pool

It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free. Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan.

Depressing, Army, Remember You

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy

Hate, Self, Prophecy

Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.

Media, Mouths, Littles

When consumers know things, they tend to make informed choices, and that could affect corporate profits. I'm sorry, but your right to know is always going to be outweighed by their right to hide it from you.

Sorry, Choices, Profit

Married men live longer. Yes. And an indoor cat also lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit, that can only look out on a world it can never enjoy. But it does technically live longer.

Cat, Men, Broken Spirit

I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.

Done, Wonder, Heroin

Donald Trump got the power of the government behind him now. He didn't have that before when he was just a clown. The Republican party is still with him. Including those state legislatures. Gerrymandering. He has basically Pravda in FOX News, in Breitbart, in Drudge.

Party, Republican, Clown

Source: www.realclearpolitics.com

You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is a little more complicated. I have never done heroin. I would never recommend heroin, but it hasn't hurt my record collection.

Hurt, Lying, Kids

People are very narcissistic. It's not all their fault. We live in a society where there is a magazine for you, a channel for you, a perfume for you.

People, Narcissistic, Magazines

Source: articles.latimes.com

What is Kanye West's message? Like most rap, "I am the greatest person ever and you're not." I used to call it affirmative action for the ego.

Rap, Ego, West

People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not only does that person have to apologize; sometimes they have to go away forever. Go away, bad person. My analysis of this is that most of us don't do anything decent in our life. I'm not saying we're evil. I'm just saying we don't make a contribution, so the way they [liberals] think they're making a contribution is to point at the bad people [which] is somehow even more pathetic.

Thinking, People, Evil

Source: www.usatoday.com

Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.

Laughter, Laughing, Natural

Interview with David Steinberg, www.interviewmagazine.com. November 30, 2008.

Even when [Federal Reserve Chairman Ben] Bernanke said the recession was over ... you think that would have been a bigger boom somewhere, but it seems we just take everything in stride.

Thinking, Over You, Said

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