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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 8

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The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Funny, Sex, People

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican.

Secret, Republican

If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?

Motivation, Believe, Doe

"Religulous". www.imdb.com. 2008.

Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other countries have to use mud.

Thanksgiving, Country, Holiday

To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That's right, put your cervix where your mouth is.

Cells, Uterus, Research

Bill Maher (2006). “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer”, p.9, Rodale

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

Hypocrite, Names, Two

You can't deny that religion has done some good. It organizes lots of anti-poverty programs and soup kitchens and missionary work. But I would say that, first of all, all those things can be accomplished without religion. You can be ethical, somebody who does the right thing without feeling that he has to in order to get his ass saved in the next life.

Soup Kitchens, Order, Feelings

Source: www.avclub.com

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Country, Patriotic, Thinking

I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that; we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor; it's not worse than losing your freedom; its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.

Responsibility, Thinking, Secret

"Bill Maher: Be More Cynical". Comedy, 2000.

I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it's your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?

Brother, Uncles, Children

Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

Dog, Wife, Car

Now that they've finished reading the Constitution out loud, the Teabaggers must call out that group of elitist liberals whose values are so antithetical to theirs. I'm talking of course about the Founding Fathers, who the Teabaggers believe are just like them, but aren't. One is a group of exclusively white men who live in a bygone century, have bad teeth, and think of blacks as 3/5 of a person, and the other are the Founding Fathers.

Father, Believe, Reading

Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.

Sex, Mean, Home

"Bill Maher: The Golden Goose Special". TV Movie, 1997.

Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a job, if you're not rich, don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the banks, blame yourself.' And a nation of out of work teabaggers said, 'Yeah! Hey, wait a minute.'

Jobs, Wall, Waiting

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

Ipods, Might, Acid

Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.

Average, Way, Rooms

The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.

Lying, Sleep, Night

"The Great Thing About Having Been Poor" by Bill Maher, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 1, 2012.

Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself.

Sex, People, Giving

"Religulous". www.imdb.com. 2008.

If we go back to the beginning, we shall find that ignorance and fear created the gods; that fancy, enthusiasm, or deceit adorned them; that weakness worships them; that credulity preserves them and that custom, respect and tyranny support them in order to make the blindness of men serve their own interests. If the ignorance of nature gave birth to gods, the knowledge of nature is calculated to destroy them.

Atheist, Ignorance, Men

Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction.

Mean, Thinking, Religion

"Religulous". www.imdb.com. 2008.

Just honest. To me, being 'politically incorrect' means the opposite of being political -- which means to spin everything. That's all it's ever meant to me. It's never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.

Mean, Opposites, Political

Well, the American public always wanted to vote for a guy and Bush was the perfect guy who they'd want to have over for pot-roast. And George Bush is that guy. He does that well. You'd like to have him over for pot-roast. He reminds you of yourself. Okay. Well, now he's been over, he's had the pot-roast. But he's getting drunk and now he's talking about stem cells and Terri Schiavo and gay marriage. And now he's the guest that won't leave.

Gay, Cells, Perfect Guy

"Real Time" with Bill Maher, April 29, 2005.

White people have always shown their superiority over blacks with their feet, moving out of black neighborhoods with the fear that their kids will turn into one of them. And now, through the magic of MTV, damned if it didn't turn out that way!

Moving, Kids, White

"Real Time with Bill Maher". imdb.com. 2003.

If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won't give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can't afford to have your head examined.

Giving, Needs, Citizens

"Real Time with Bill Maher",

I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years.

Believe, Islamic, Years

"Bill Maher remains 'Politically Incorrect'". www.cnn.com. November 28, 2002.

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