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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 5

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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

Sex, Religion, Atheism

March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.'

Kansas, America, March

Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because last week, Sarah was on a class trip to New York, where she met foreign leaders... And one of the leaders she met was Zardari, and he was gushing over her. He said, oh, you're more gorgeous in person than you are on TV. And so the people in his home country of Pakistan, the Islamists, they issued a fatwa on him, for being too 'flirty.' And when Sarah today was told that Zardari had gotten a fatwa because of her, she said, 'I know, I felt it when he hugged me.'

Country, New York, Flirty

In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.

Book, Ideas, America

Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.

Two, Different, Answers

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!

Gay, People, Might

Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

Chocolate, Life Is, Turds

Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.

Promise, Happens, Knows

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, 'You know what? Let's just grab lunch.'

Lunch, White, Talking

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Funny, Atheist, Thinking

I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.

Merry Christmas, Terrorist, Merry

Source: www.realclearpolitics.com

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Funny, Witty, Humorous

Bill Maher (2010). “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That?: The Best of Politically Incorrect”, p.189, Ballantine Books

When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.

People, Office, Wish

"Comedian Bill Maher Plays Not My Job". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. December 16, 2011.

President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy.

Egypt, White, Giving

When it comes to religion, we're not two sides of the same coin, and you don't get to put your unreason up on the same shelf with my reason. Your stuff has to go over there, on the shelf with Zeus and Thor and the Kraken, with the stuff that is not evidence-based, stuff that religious people never change their mind about, no matter what happens.

Religious, Kraken, Two Sides

"Real Time With Bill Maher", February 03, 2012.

The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign affairs very much, unless it comes right to their doorstep. They all learn history through wars. They learn geography through wars.

War, Usa, People

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

Crazy, Party, Republican

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.

Airplane, Coward, Want

"Politically Incorrect" with Bill Maher, www.imdb.com. 1993-2002.

Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about...Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think that they do.

Mean, Thinking, Atheism

Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion!

Confidence, Gay, Usa

Twitter post from Feb 20, 2012

Thanks [Donald] Trump for exposing evangelicals as 'shameless hypocrites'.

Hypocrite, Thanks, Shameless

If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you're an armed idiot. If you think they're going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you're Bill O'Reilly.

Gun, Thinking, Giving

"Real Time with Bill Maher", April 20, 2008.

Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'.

Gay, Thinking, People

If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you.

Hands, Medicine, America

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

Girl, Kids, Dating

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