Bo Burnham Quotes about Funny

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.