Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour.
I wouldn't give my troubles to a monkey on a rock.
Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.
Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who ran up a half-million dollar bill at Tiffany?
