100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?
A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.
I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.
Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
