Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.
The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope.
When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are.
There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.
I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.
I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't tell me what you're going to do. Just say "I'd really like to do solar energy but I'm not going to be able to. I really want to dig holes everywhere in the country but I really won't be able to do it because people seem to think that maybe my water will be screwed up."
I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! "We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again."
If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist.
This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.
Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. And I think that's the reason my act has become more political. I've become somewhat more of a political comic because the level of stupidity I've watched is staggering.
The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.
Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.
Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now.
Everybody's got cable.
I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"
I have never thought of my entertainment as being able to bring about social change. I am seriously always looking for the laugh. What it did make me conscious of was having empathy for those without any power in this country. That has always stuck with me.
As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.
I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever.
