Lewis Black Quotes - Page 8

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

Self-love is a big part of golf.

I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.

When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.

No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.

People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!

My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.

I hammer on a theme until I'm tired of it and the audience is tired of it.

Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.

There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think.

When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on you! You should be out there buying stuff.'

FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass.

You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.

My father painted, well into his 80s, what he called hard edge abstractions. It's really cool.

Political audiences are not fun.

My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.

Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!'

I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.

Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.