A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.