Comedian Quotes - Page 8

Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is.

I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because I'm a funny comedian. I'm an entertainer.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

My grandfather was running Hillcrest Country Club, and that's where a whole group of Hollywood comedians hung out.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.

Roxanne came along in '86, when I was doing a lot of stand-up. I auditioned for the movie, and of course I was a huge Steve Martin fan, so I really hoped I would get this part. I don't think there was any part in particular that I auditioned for. I just went in and talked with them. There were so many parts in there, and so many comedians ended up getting in that movie, playing different firemen and townspeople.

Sure, the comedians who swear or use scatological humor can get laughs, but they're uncomfortable laughs.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

Comedians are not usually actors, but imitations of actors.

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.

Sometimes you watch comedians and feel like they're jerking off in front of you, but they want you to see how big it is.

Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.

Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

I don't make much distinction between being a stand-up comic and acting Shakespeare - in fact, unless you're a good comedian, you're never going to be able to play Hamlet properly.

It seemed to me you could do anything in comics. So I started doing my thing, which is mainly influenced by novelists, stand-up comedians, that sort of thing

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.

Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.

One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian is someone who can stand up in front of an audience and make you laugh. I've never done stand-up and I never will. I'm a comic actor. My comedy comes through my characters.

Comedians on the stage are invariably suicidal when they get home.