Comedian Quotes - Page 5

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a guy who talks funny talk!'

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

I was an actor before becoming a comedian.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.

I would probably be a teacher if I weren't a comedian.

Molly Shannon and I used to always talk about that we really felt strongly that we were comedic actors, that we weren't comedians. You just played things real and the comedy came out of the context.

Only comedians can talk about death, life, God and Virgin Mary. If I was a tragic actor, I couldn't allow myself. But with this accent I can do it. I can talk with death in person because I am a clown. Yes. And I am proud to be a clown - very much.

Unfortunately, the show's success comes at the expense of its biggest asset -- the comedians themselves.

To be a comedian, you have to have some darkness behind it. I certainly draw on my past, and it helps.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

Comedians and jazz musicians have been more comforting and enlightening to me than preachers or politicians or philosophers or poets or painters or novelists of my time. Historians in the future, in my opinion, will congratulate us on very little other than our clowning and our jazz.

Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.